Long before we had children, Kyle and I knew that we wanted to give them every opportunity to succeed in whatever areas they chose. We weren’t set on particular schools or activities or athletics; instead, our goal was simply to support them in whatever manner best suited each child. But we didn’t consider how we would accomplish that goal, other than by observing and listening to our children, and then offering them opportunities in accordance with their interests and talents.
Turns out, it’s a little more involved than that. The exhaustion of everyday life gets in the way of those observations, and it becomes difficult to sort out the salient points from all the endless chatter. While we’re doing our best to be mindful of our kids’ feedback, we could use a little help making sense of it.
Jenifer Fox’s book “Your Child’s Strengths” is going to provide that help - now and for years to come. Fox helps parents (and teachers too) identify children’s strengths by observing their actions and behaviors, and then use those strengths (and help children learn to use them too) to improve their learning and their relationships.
I have to admit that I flipped directly to the final section of the book - the strengths workbook. Even though my children are still quite young, I’m ready to start educating myself. I want to know how I can turn my everyday observations into opportunities to help my children (and in turn, help myself). Fortunately, although the workbook is geared toward somewhat older children, Fox has included boxes titled “For Young Children” that give suggestions as to how to modify the exercises accordingly.
The workbook starts with Activity Strengths. An activity strength is “something that makes a person feel good while he or she is doing it.” My kids are big bundles of activity, and they often play together despite their age difference, but I do notice which activities they prefer. Tacy loves to create and experiment, putting together old things in new ways. Disorder doesn’t bother her in the least. Meanwhile, CJ prefers routine and order, being able to predict what will happen. Although Tacy is more likely to agree to clean up, CJ actually seems to enjoy doing it - on her terms.
One exercise in the Activity Strengths section that I will try with the girls involves giving them a choice of three chores to complete, then noting which one is chosen and how easily it’s accomplished. I’m already a fan of choices - although lately I’ve been too exhausted to offer choices and have been giving orders instead - and I expect this exercise to be both interesting and telling. I also hope it will help me assign chores that will be done more cheerfully and with less nagging, which I know the whole family will appreciate.
The next section (to be completed AFTER the Activity Strengths section) is Relationship Strengths - “innate strengths to contribute to our relationships to make them more effective and rewarding.” This area is of great interest to me, as I know from experience that a large part of a child’s enjoyment of school is the social aspect of it. That is, even if they excel at schoolwork, recess can be hell. This section looks like it will be helpful in identifying why we pursue relationships, why we keep some and relinquish others, and what characteristics attract us to other people (and vice versa).The exercise in the Relationship Strengths section that caught my eye was one in which the child chooses a famous person - real or fictional - and brainstorms reasons why she “likes” that person. I think that’s a fantastic way for a child to begin understanding what characteristics attract them to a potential friend, as well as for them to consider which characteristics they’d like to emulate themselves.
The final section (to be completed after the first two - sequence is essential) is Learning Strengths, which are “the ways in which we prefer to learn and the mode in which we learn best.” This section was actually the easiest for me in which to see my kids. I immediately focused on the three modes of learning - kinesthetic, visual, and auditory. Kinesthetic learners learn best through movement and manipulation, visual learners learn by watching, and auditory learners learn by listening.
Tacy is definitely a visual learner, but she has kinesthetic leanings. That is, she is extremely observant regarding the world around her and remembers details of what she sees (such as what I was wearing on a particular day when we were engaged in a particular activity). But she’s also extremely interested in how things work - she’s not content to merely observe.
Conversely, CJ is definitely a kinesthetic learner, but I believe she has auditory leanings. She is very active - loves building and doing puzzles and touching absolutely everything. While I have to tell her “no touch!” more often than I’d like, I realize that’s how she prefers to explore. But I’ve been surprised by how closely she pays attention to what we say, given her speech delays. She understands quite well, and she’s beginning to verbalize the connections that she’s made.
Considering how different my girls are (and how different I’m sure their younger brother will be too), I’m especially glad to have “Your Child’s Strengths” as a resource to help me identify and address their individual strengths. Even though they’re still young, I’m excited to begin exploring the exercises in the workbook.
I would recommend this book to any parent of a child still living at home. It’s never too early to begin doing your homework, and it’s never too late to begin helping your child learn how to help himself by using his own unique strengths.
To get your own copy of “Your Child’s Strengths”, click here. To learn more about Jenifer Fox, check out her website.
