My maid-of-honor was a protocol officer in the Air Force. That means that she was required to know exactly what should be done when and for whom, along with what music should be playing and which flags should be displayed. While I did think it was kind of cool that she routinely rubbed elbows with the President, the Vice President, and about a zillion foreign dignitaries (one of whom smuggled in some sort of Uzbekistani melon in the diplomatic pouch, which she then had to slice up and serve - what a waste of her Physics degree), the details of protocol bored me to tears.

On the other hand, I love knowing more about what to do and say to put people at ease and make them like me. I hear that’s called “charm”; I’m still working on acquiring it.

At its core, Were You Raised by Wolves? is about being charming. It’s about doing what will make other people want to be around you - not by telling jokes (even good ones) or buying them beer (although it won’t hurt) or by laughing at their jokes (even if they stink).

Wait a minute, you say. How can making my bed make people want to be around me? Who gives a damn if I can boil an egg? Is it really that important to know how to cook a turkey?

Sadly, all of these things - and many more covered by author Christie Mellor - are all about appearances, and like it or not, appearances matter. If people are so put off by what they see on the surface - including your unmade bed - they are not going to bother to find out what a wonderful person you are on the inside. Sorry, but it’s true. Nobody has time to mess with someone who seems like an unkempt jerk because probably, even deep down, they really ARE an unkempt jerk.

That said, therein lies the problem with this gem of a book. All the unkempt jerks who should be reading it won’t read it because they are convinced that they’re perfect. Or, even if they realize they aren’t perfect, they’re perfectly happy to remain ignorant of the life lessons that have been condensed into one extremely useful yet screamingly funny book.

Seriously, I can think of at least a dozen people off the top of my head - people I LIKE - who could benefit from this book, but who would get their panties (or boxers, as it were) in a knot at the mere suggestion that they could learn a thing or two.

In any case, I’m glad to report that I learned a thing or two (hundred). Sure, I skimmed the cooking parts (you knew I would) and I still keep my coffee beans in the freezer, but there were plenty of other areas that I read and re-read and took to heart. I wish more people would do the same.

And my mother - who would probably love to have a Manhattan or two with Christie Mellor - was the one who told me about the effect of bed-making years ago. They’re both right. Don’t believe us? Try it yourself.

For more reviews of Were You Raised by Wolves?, check out Parent Bloggers Network!

When I finished reading Beauty Confidential six months ago, I tucked it into my bag and went shopping at Sephora with Nadine Haobsh’s recommendations in mind. I posted here about the products I’d been using myself and how well I liked them. Now it’s time to revisit my routine - see what’s changed over the past six months and what’s remained the same.

First of all, what am I still using?

Cleanser - Cetaphil Face Wash

Foundation - Bare Escentuals i.d. Bare Minerals

Eyeshadow - NARS eyeshadow in Nepal

Blush - NARS blush in Orgasm

All of these products have stood the test of time. It takes hardly any time at all to apply the foundation, eyeshadow and blush, and it makes an amazing difference in how I look (especially in these postpartum weeks when I would normally expect to look like death warmed over). And they’ve all lasted; I’m just now replacing my initial liter bottle of Cetaphil and my first tiny container of Bare Minerals, and I haven’t even made a dent in the eyeshadow or blush.

What products have I abandoned?

Mascara - Lancome Definicils

Lips - Fusion Beauty LipFusion lip plumper

I know that Lancome Definicils is the gold standard where it comes to mascara, but it was just too much for me. Too thick, too clumpy, too much effort required to make my lashes look natural.

So I switched to another Beauty Confidential recommendation: Kiss Me mascara. It’s a purely lengthening mascara (check the cheat sheet on the mascara display at Sephora to choose a mascara that does what you want it to), and it’s waterproof and smudge proof. Really, it is. The only downside is that it requires gentle persistence to remove it; it doesn’t wipe away as easily as other mascaras.

The lip plumper worked (or at least I think it did), but frankly I got lazy. Lip plumping just isn’t a priority for me, I suppose.

What products have I added?

Shampoo - Aveda Shampure

Conditioner - Terax Original Crema

Perfume - Chanel Coco Mademoiselle

I do like the Aveda Shampure (a Beauty Confidential recommendation), but I have to admit that I’m really smitten with the Aveda Rosemary and Mint shampoo. It smells delicious, and it’s got a slightly cool and tingly sensation - great for warmer weather.

I definitely give Terax Original Crema two thumbs way up. It’s $48 for a liter bottle, but it’s worth it. Plus, you don’t need much for a good application. When my hair was longer, I used two pumps; now I only use one. The liter bottle lasted for the past six months.

Coco Mademoiselle is just yummy. I love perfume, but I always forget to put it on. Now I’m making a conscious effort to do so, and it’s become part of my routine.

Finally, what products do I include in my routine that aren’t Beauty Confidential recommendations, but I love them all the same?

Day Moisturizer - Philosophy When Hope Is Not Enough spf 20 and Turbo Booster C Powder

Night Moisturizer - Philosophy Hope In A Jar

Day Eye Cream - Philosophy Dark Shadows

Night Eye Cream - Philosophy Hope In A Tube

Face Primer - Philosophy The Present

What can I say? I love Philosophy’s skin care line. It works for me.

My day moisturizer, When Hope Is Not Enough, isn’t at all greasy, and it really provides great sunscreen coverage - which is important every day all year long, especially at altitude. My night moisturizer, Hope In A Jar, is light and fluffy and absorbs quickly. Personally, I can’t stand heavy creams on my face, even at night, so this one is perfect for me.

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I hadn’t been using eye cream consistently until last fall. Even so, after only six months, I can see a difference. I don’t look ten years younger, but the wrinkles around my eyes are greatly diminished.

Finally, I love The Present for those days when I don’t want to put on makeup - I’m going to the gym or out hiking or biking, and it would look kind of silly to get all gussied up just to sweat it off. The Present provides an additional layer of sunscreen, and it evens out my skin tone and eliminates shine.

While finding the right products has been helpful, the greatest result of having read Beauty Confidential is that I’ve established a routine, and I stick to it. Consistency is the key - to great hair, great skin, and feeling good about how I look.

Oh, and one last recommendation? Don’t bother with the brick and mortar Sephora. Order online instead; you’ll get more free samples, and you won’t have to contend with the snooty salespeople who sigh heavily as they deign to ring you up.

Long before we had children, Kyle and I knew that we wanted to give them every opportunity to succeed in whatever areas they chose. We weren’t set on particular schools or activities or athletics; instead, our goal was simply to support them in whatever manner best suited each child. But we didn’t consider how we would accomplish that goal, other than by observing and listening to our children, and then offering them opportunities in accordance with their interests and talents.

Turns out, it’s a little more involved than that. The exhaustion of everyday life gets in the way of those observations, and it becomes difficult to sort out the salient points from all the endless chatter. While we’re doing our best to be mindful of our kids’ feedback, we could use a little help making sense of it.

Jenifer Fox’s book “Your Child’s Strengths” is going to provide that help - now and for years to come. Fox helps parents (and teachers too) identify children’s strengths by observing their actions and behaviors, and then use those strengths (and help children learn to use them too) to improve their learning and their relationships.

I have to admit that I flipped directly to the final section of the book - the strengths workbook. Even though my children are still quite young, I’m ready to start educating myself. I want to know how I can turn my everyday observations into opportunities to help my children (and in turn, help myself). Fortunately, although the workbook is geared toward somewhat older children, Fox has included boxes titled “For Young Children” that give suggestions as to how to modify the exercises accordingly.

The workbook starts with Activity Strengths. An activity strength is “something that makes a person feel good while he or she is doing it.” My kids are big bundles of activity, and they often play together despite their age difference, but I do notice which activities they prefer. Tacy loves to create and experiment, putting together old things in new ways. Disorder doesn’t bother her in the least. Meanwhile, CJ prefers routine and order, being able to predict what will happen. Although Tacy is more likely to agree to clean up, CJ actually seems to enjoy doing it - on her terms.

One exercise in the Activity Strengths section that I will try with the girls involves giving them a choice of three chores to complete, then noting which one is chosen and how easily it’s accomplished. I’m already a fan of choices - although lately I’ve been too exhausted to offer choices and have been giving orders instead - and I expect this exercise to be both interesting and telling. I also hope it will help me assign chores that will be done more cheerfully and with less nagging, which I know the whole family will appreciate.

The next section (to be completed AFTER the Activity Strengths section) is Relationship Strengths - “innate strengths to contribute to our relationships to make them more effective and rewarding.” This area is of great interest to me, as I know from experience that a large part of a child’s enjoyment of school is the social aspect of it. That is, even if they excel at schoolwork, recess can be hell. This section looks like it will be helpful in identifying why we pursue relationships, why we keep some and relinquish others, and what characteristics attract us to other people (and vice versa).The exercise in the Relationship Strengths section that caught my eye was one in which the child chooses a famous person - real or fictional - and brainstorms reasons why she “likes” that person. I think that’s a fantastic way for a child to begin understanding what characteristics attract them to a potential friend, as well as for them to consider which characteristics they’d like to emulate themselves.

The final section (to be completed after the first two - sequence is essential) is Learning Strengths, which are “the ways in which we prefer to learn and the mode in which we learn best.” This section was actually the easiest for me in which to see my kids. I immediately focused on the three modes of learning - kinesthetic, visual, and auditory. Kinesthetic learners learn best through movement and manipulation, visual learners learn by watching, and auditory learners learn by listening.

Tacy is definitely a visual learner, but she has kinesthetic leanings. That is, she is extremely observant regarding the world around her and remembers details of what she sees (such as what I was wearing on a particular day when we were engaged in a particular activity). But she’s also extremely interested in how things work - she’s not content to merely observe.

Conversely, CJ is definitely a kinesthetic learner, but I believe she has auditory leanings. She is very active - loves building and doing puzzles and touching absolutely everything. While I have to tell her “no touch!” more often than I’d like, I realize that’s how she prefers to explore. But I’ve been surprised by how closely she pays attention to what we say, given her speech delays. She understands quite well, and she’s beginning to verbalize the connections that she’s made.

Considering how different my girls are (and how different I’m sure their younger brother will be too), I’m especially glad to have “Your Child’s Strengths” as a resource to help me identify and address their individual strengths. Even though they’re still young, I’m excited to begin exploring the exercises in the workbook.

I would recommend this book to any parent of a child still living at home. It’s never too early to begin doing your homework, and it’s never too late to begin helping your child learn how to help himself by using his own unique strengths.

To get your own copy of “Your Child’s Strengths”, click here. To learn more about Jenifer Fox, check out her website.

I’ve lived in Colorado for almost three years now, and I’m still struck by the wideness of the skies here. It’s fascinating to me that I can see all the way from the mountains in the west to the plains in the east. Even now, I keep expecting to find a skyline obstructing my view.

Back east, the skies were narrow strips of blue (or, more often, gray) directly overhead. At night, I couldn’t see the stars or the moon. Even from our apartment in New Jersey, with its panoramic view, I could see more skyscrapers than sky.

I loved the city, and I still hope to live there again someday, but I have to admit that often, it felt equally both inspiring and oppressive.

But after reading Felicia Sullivan’s memoir, The Sky Isn’t Visible From Here, I realized that my hard times in the city are a walk in Central Park compared to the difficulties she endured there - first as a child growing up in Brooklyn, and later as a young professional in Manhattan.

Her tales of working-class life in Brooklyn with a single mother who moved from job to job (and man to man) were disheartening at best, horrifying at worst. While I was shocked by the descriptions of the drug use and sex she witnessed even as a young child, I was saddened most by her increasing need to wall herself off from the people closest to her - friends, family, and her own mother - as they continually betrayed her. As I told Felicia, I wished we were back in sixth grade so that I could invite her over for dinner and a sleepover.

Likewise, her stories of professional and social life in Manhattan resonated with me as well. While copious quantities of alcohol were as far as I went, I still struggled to cope with the peaks and valleys inherent to living and working in New York - particularly in a technical field at the height of the dot-com boom (and subsequent bust). It was a time that seemed to push many people toward addictive and destructive behaviors. Some of us got off easy; and some, like Felicia, bottomed out before recovering.

The memoir is written not in strict chronological fashion. Rather, Felicia alternates between excerpts from her childhood and from her young adulthood. This juxtaposition of time periods adds both interest and suspense - at the end of each excerpt, I looked forward to the continuation of the excerpt that had come before - and kept the pace from bogging down (as I’ve found that it often does in chronologically-told histories).

While it’s heartening to me that Felicia has found a father in Gus - her mother’s former fiance, one of many people she has left behind - it’s heartbreaking to read about her relationship with her mother.  As a mother myself, I honestly can’t imagine treating a child so carelessly.  I can’t imagine being the child of such a mother - the conflicting emotions I know I would have were I in Felicia’s position.

Even so, it’s the final chapter, titled “Before Cocaine”, that makes me the saddest of all - a day spent with her mother at Coney Island in 1984.  The fun that they had together is overshadowed by Felicia’s desire to tell her mother that she loves her, but she resists, afraid that by doing so, she will spoil the closeness they’ve shared that day.  The idea that one of my children might ever be afraid to tell me that they love me is almost unfathomable.

I don’t know if Felicia’s relationship with her mother could ever be salvaged, or if the sadness of her childhood could ever be overcome, but I admire her for having the courage to write such an honest account of her pain.  I can only hope that by doing so, she has been able to make peace with her past.

To purchase your own copy of The Sky Isn’t Visible From Here, click here. 

I have to admit up front that I feel like a bit of a fraud, reviewing a book called How to Eat Like a Hot Chick, when I am two weeks away from giving birth and thirty forty forty-five pounds heavier than usual. Sure, a guy with a fetish for pregnant women may think I’m a Hot Chick even in this state, but I’m certainly not feeling like one.

However, that’s no excuse for not starting to incorporate some positive thinking and good habits into my life. I may still be treating myself to a dish of ice cream before bed (a Hot Chick no-no), but if I have a spinach-and-hummus sandwich (a Hot Chick specialty) at lunch, I don’t feel nearly so gluttonous while enjoying my dessert later.

Written by Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent, this book is not about self-denial; on the contrary, it’s about knowing thyself and loving thyself enough to make fair and balanced decisions about what we put into our bodies - be it chocolate cake, spinach, or a cocktail or two. It’s not a diet book, although there’s some basic information about caloric requirements of women (hint: we need a lot less than we’re consuming). While there’s a lot of common sense guidance that we should already know - and probably do, but don’t practice it as we should - there’s also a lot of surprises that also make sense once you think about them.

For example, I’d acquired a taste for seltzer prior to this pregnancy. I drank more Canada Dry Cranberry Limelight seltzer in one day that I care to admit. Then, in my first trimester, seltzer no longer appealed (I think it was the carbonation), and I switched to Vitamin Water.

Per the Hot Chicks, seltzer = good. Vitamin Water = bad. Mostly due to the calories in Vitamin Water, and the fact that you can get those same vitamins by eating actual food that fills you up.

I was also happy to read that the Hot Chicks do not advocate frozen meals. I think frozen meals are terribly depressing, even when I used to eat them for lunch at work (instead of spending $10+ for lunch in midtown), and the meat in them is downright gross.

But the cocktail lover in me was most enamored with the chapter entitled How to Party Like a Hot Chick. If you didn’t already know that mixers - tonic, juice, all the additions that make those colorful drinkies so delicious - are packed with calories, let me burst your bubble right now. Would you rather have ONE mudslide, or a whole slab of chocolate mousse cake? I love my drinks, but I’d go for the cake in a second and have a glass of wine with it.

The book is written in a conversational tone, with a lot of inside references and acronyms that are defined at the beginning (LSE = Low Self Esteem, OWL = Overwhelmed With Life). At the risk of sounding like an old fuddy-duddy, the authors are a bit too free with the f-bombs. It’s a fuckton of this and a fuckload of that, and a lot of eating fucked up food, especially when hungover or feeling Mary Kate (another inside reference). I drop my share of f-bombs in conversation, but in writing, I think they’re most effective when used sparingly.

But I’m sure I’d have a fuckload of fun if I went out for dinner and drinks with Jodi and Cerina. And I’d feel like a Hot Chick, even at 37 weeks pregnant.

Buy your own copy of How to Eat Like a Hot Chick!

Two characteristics that are highly regarded in this house: critical thinking and a good sense of humor. Who’d have thought they’d be so perfectly melded in a single book?

Plato and Platypus Walk Into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes was truly one of the most entertaining and enlightening books I’ve read this year. And considering I stick almost exclusively to non-fiction by authors like Michael Shermer and Malcolm Gladwell, it’s not as if I’m comparing this book to the latest and greatest from Danielle Steel (or even Dan Brown).

Philosophy, in any of its incarnations, is not an easy concept to grasp. In my first semester of college, I took a Social Philosophy course, which prompted me to avoid the topic altogether until I read The Fountainhead a few years later. I then read Atlas Shrugged and Anthem, and then moved on to Rand’s non-fiction primer on philosophy, entitled Philosophy: Who Needs It? Her collection of essays helped illuminate the subject much better than my freshman year professor ever did.

Even so, besides being full of multisyllabic words that aren’t easily defined (epistemology? existentialism?) and Latin phrases (a priori? a posteriori?), the abstractness of philosophy makes it difficult to comprehend. Hence, the use of jokes by way of examples is a brilliant means of illustrating philosophical concepts.

Want some examples? Here are a few good jokes instead.

Teleology - “The meaning of life”, a la Aristotle:

Mrs. Goldstein was walking down the street with her two grandchildren. A friend stopped to ask her how old they were.

She replied, “The doctor is five and the lawyer is seven.”

Utilitarianism - “The end justifies the means”, a la John Stuart Mill:

Mrs. O’Callahan instructed the artist painting her portrait to add to it a gold bracelet on each of her wrists, a strand of pearls around her neck, ruby earrings, and a diamond tiara.

The artist pointed out that would be tantamount to lying.

Said Mrs. O’Callahan, “Look, my husband’s running around with a young blonde. After I die, I want her to go crazy looking for the jewelry.”

Relativity and absolutism - “Self-evident truths”, a la John Locke and Thomas Jefferson:

The lookout on a battleship spies a light ahead off the starboard bow. The captain tells him to signal the other vessel, “Advise you change course twenty degrees immediately!”

The answer comes back, “Advise you change course twenty degrees immediately!”

The captain is furious. He signals, “I am a captain. We are on a collision course. Alter your course twenty degrees now!”

The answer comes back, “I am a seaman second class, and I strongly urge you to alter your course twenty degrees.”

Now the captain is beside himself with rage. He signals, “I am a battleship!”

The answer comes back, “I am a lighthouse.”

While reading Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar will not adequately prepare you for an intellectual debate, it’s likely to spark enough interest in various philosophical concepts that you might check out the works of some of the philosophers highlighted in the book, particularly the more modern ones such as Camus, Sartre, and de Beauvoir, or especially well-known ones like Machiavelli, Pascal, and Nietzsche.

And if nothing else, some of the Latin phrases “can help you get lucky at a party.” Better than a worn-out cheesy pick-up line, I suppose.

My husband made a deal with my older daughter: If she was able to read a book aloud to him - not just memorize and recite it, but actually read all the words - he would buy her a lamp for her night table.

She read the book; he bought the lamp.

A Disney Princess lamp.  That TALKS.

Needless to say, I’m less than thrilled about the damn lamp.

I’m trying to focus on the fact that she’s interested in reading.  Because I’ve got just the book for her.

The Daring Book for Girls may have a sparkly blue cover, but beyond that, it wouldn’t interest Cinderella.  This book is all about the really cool stuff that girls ought to know - and I’m not talking about how to iron their linen handkerchiefs (or worse, a man’s linen handkerchiefs).

No, this book is about the stuff that makes girls feel brave and strong and knowledgeable.  That gives them a sense of being in control of themselves and their worlds - which is something far too few girls really get.

I’m an unrelenting advocate of building girls’ self-esteem - not by telling them how pretty or smart or talented they are (although such praise shouldn’t be neglected either), but by helping them realize what they can do.  That they don’t need to wait around for Prince Charming to take care of them.  That they can actually show boys a thing or two.

I love this book and its companion, The Dangerous Book for Boys, and I plan to introduce both to my girls and to my soon-to-be son.  Because fairy tales aren’t toxic in and of themselves - only the idea that you must rely on someone else to create one for you.

Go on, girls.  Make your own dreams come true.

I haven’t worn makeup regularly - beyond a touch of eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick - since my freshman year of high school. No kidding, the last time I wore foundation every day was when I was fifteen. I don’t read fashion and beauty magazines, not even while I’m waiting for my foils to process.

I do take steps to camouflage and/or prevent signs of aging. I wear moisturizer with sunscreen every day. I apply lip balm, hand cream and night cream (when I remember to wash my face) before bed.

And I do spend time and money on my hair - cuts and highlights and products, even a professional quality hair dryer made in Italy.

But makeup? Too much trouble.

So it doesn’t seem likely that a lazy girl like me would be interested in a book like Beauty Confidential, right?

Au contraire! Beauty Confidential is perfect for lazy girls like me. I don’t want to read through issue after issue of a half-dozen magazines, trying to extract what may or may not work for my skin, my hair, my coloring. For me, that’s not entertaining; it’s excruciating.

When did I know I would love Beauty Confidential? When I got to page 16 and read the section titled “The Lazy Girls Club” - all about how to condense makeup into a ten minute routine (and what products to use - bonus!). Now I’ve incorporated products from elsewhere in the book, as well as products that I already used, into my own ten minute routine:

Cleanser - Cetaphil Face Wash

Gentle and effective. Much better than any other cleanser I’ve tried because it leaves my skin squeaky clean without overdrying it.

Moisturizer with sunscreen - Philosophy When Hope Is Not Enough

SPF 20 (I think), light and absorbs quickly. One of the first lessons I learned upon moving here is that I can’t go without sunscreen, no matter how little time I spend outside, nor what time of year it is.

Foundation - Bare Escentuals i.d. Bare Minerals

If you hate foundation the way that author Nadine Haobsh and I hate foundation - sticky, gloppy, dirty, germ-ridden yuck that it can be - then give Bare Minerals a try. Until I tried it myself, I thought Nadine was a bit obsessive in her adoration of Bare Minerals. Now I fear that I may become similarly obsessed.

It feels like you’re putting absolutely nothing on your face, just making circular motions with a big fluffy brush, but the results are incredible. It doesn’t smudge or smear or require touch-ups. It’s foundation that I’d actually wear in midwestern summer humidity.

Mascara - Lancome Definicils

I prefer lengthening mascaras; volumizing formulas make me feel as if my lashes are full of clumps. Nadine notes that you should wipe off excess product from the brush with a tissue before applying - good advice that I’d actually first heard several years ago. And even though I really like this product, I still comb through my lashes afterward to separate them and remove excess mascara.

Eyeshadow - NARS eyeshadow in Nepal

I hadn’t worn eyeshadow in at least fifteen years. Okay, maybe ten - I think I wore some on my wedding day.

Great color, easy application (I actually use my fingers as Nadine suggests, and it works), and it doesn’t crease.

Blush - NARS blush in Orgasm

Oh my. The name says it all.

This color is light and subtle, and like the NARS eyeshadow, it applies easily and lasts. I did pick up a Sephora blush brush, as my old all-purpose blush brush has seen better days.

Lips - Fusion Beauty LipFusion lip plumper, Clinique Black Honey gloss

The lip plumper is just like a gloss, except it’s clear. I apply it before bed and in the mornings, and I use the Clinique gloss during the day. These glosses are not like the drugstore versions; the applicators are sturdier and the glosses themselves are thicker.

Does the lip plumper work? I don’t know; it seems to. If nothing else, I dig the tingly sensation.

What did I disregard? Concealer. I hate concealer. I bought the L’Oreal True Match Super Blendable concealer that Nadine recommends, and while it’s an improvement over the Revlon concealer I’d tried most recently, I still hate it. Not enough of an improvement to justify the effort.

Not only has Beauty Confidential prompted me to make myself a bit more presentable before leaving the house each morning, it’s convinced me that nightly skin care should be just that - nightly. So now I remove my eye makeup (old standby is Neutrogena eye makeup remover), wash with Cetaphil, and use my Philosophy night cream (Hope in a Jar - I prefer it over When Hope Is Not Enough, which feels kind of heavy for me) and eye cream (Eye Believe - it hasn’t eliminated my sunken eyes each morning, but they’re looking better) - every single night.

Is it silly to start a new beauty routine now, being pregnant? Actually, I think it’s the perfect opportunity. I’m not spending money on clothes, and I’m certainly looking for ways to improve my appearance - namely by drawing attention away from my lower half. And it’s always a good idea to take care of your skin.

Will I keep up with it once the baby comes? That, I can’t say. I fully intend to keep up with the skin care, and it sure doesn’t hurt to have an arsenal of cosmetics that I actually enjoy using. Who knows? The dark circles may get to be bad enough that I’ll gladly break out the concealer in addition to all the other goodies.

In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy looking pretty. From the neck up, anyway.

I haven’t destroyed so many of my brain cells that I can’t remember some of the stupid stunts I pulled along the rocky road to adulthood. I made some poor choices and was fortunate enough to escape dire consequences most of the time. I was lucky.

Why did I make many of those decisions? Circumstances, mainly. I found myself - or put myself - in a position where it seemed that my choice was no longer a choice but a foregone conclusion (and I’m not just talking about sex). Sometimes I said to hell with appearances, put my foot down, and said forget it. Those were the instances in which I felt the risk of the possible consequences far outweighed what might sound like a good idea (or, at least, not a bad idea) at the time.

Now I have two little girls, with a third on the way. And while my husband jokes about buying a shotgun to lean strategically against the wall each time they go out on a date, we’re both genuinely concerned as to how we can best equip them to look after their own interests - whether they’re out on dates or out with friends.

I was quite interested in checking out the new book, Girlology: Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups, and Holding Out, via The Parent Bloggers Network, because from what I can ascertain, the junior high and high school crowds have gotten even racier than they were twenty years ago. I can’t imagine that it’s going to be any easier for my girls once they hit the teenage years.

And while I know I’ll be frightened by the choices my girls will have to make, I also know it will be that much more frightening for them. That’s why I really liked what I read in Girlology, written by two female doctors (an OB-GYN and a pediatrician) who work with teen girls every day and have the medical degrees to back up the guidance they give.

Girlology addresses not only the nuts and bolts of sex, pregnancy, and STDs, but it goes into great detail regarding specific emotional and technological concerns.  The emotional points - such as the fact that teen boys’ brains simply haven’t developed to the point that they can feel the same level of intimacy that teen girls can - are as illuminating now as they were when I was reminding myself that my boyfriend was underdeveloped and immature (in addition to being a jerk).  But it’s the newer concerns - like the fact that most cell phones come with cameras, ready to capture you at your most embarrassing moment - that I might have never thought about.  When I was in high school, it was pretty awful to be called a slut, whether the name fit or not.  Now someone can snap your picture and have actual evidence of what you were doing Saturday night.

The main message that I took from Girlology: Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups, and Holding Out was how important it is for girls to think about these sorts of situations and how they might react - BEFORE they ever occur.  Then they will feel much more well-equipped when the situation does eventually present itself - and will hopefully make an informed decision that they’re comfortable with.

Denying to ourselves that our kids will ever find themselves in a tough spot seems awfully short-sighted to me.  Even the most sensible girls can be knocked for a loop by those crazy hormones and the pressure exerted by their peers.  Better to talk with them frankly and openly now - not only will it give them the tools they need to survive, but they’ll know that they can count on us as parents to be at their side when they need us.

My older daughter started kindergarten last month (year-round school here), and my husband insisted on attending the informational meeting that was held prior to her first day. I was more than happy to stay home and let him sit through what I expected (and I was right) would be one heck of a yawnfest.

But even more important than my glee at avoiding the first in what will probably be a never-ending string of school meetings was my pleasure in seeing his genuine interest in our daughter’s schooling.

I consider myself to be one of the lucky women whose husband really and truly enjoys his children, no matter whether he’s performing the routine tasks or taking them out for special treats. He even loved those baby days when all they did was cry and sleep and poop. But I know he much prefers the verbal interaction and sharing of interests that come as children enter what Armin Brott calls “the wonder years” - ages 3 to 9.

So I didn’t even have to ask him to read Brott’s newest book - “Fathering Your School-Age Child” - the subject of the latest Parent Bloggers Network review campaign. He saw it on the counter, picked it up, and brought it to the bathroom. Because let’s be honest, that’s where daddies do most of their reading.

He has read and enjoyed two of Brott’s other books about fatherhood - “The Expectant Father” and “The New Father” - and passed them along to his older brother who recently became a father himself. And when I asked him to provide some feedback on the book, he gladly obliged - because he loves me as well as our girls.

“The author, Armin Brott, wrote a comprehensive and well-researched handbook for any dad - first timers or even third-timers (like myself). As with most handbooks, one can read FYSAC flipping around forward and back to areas that interest you and or are relevant to current problems or concerns. I have a five year-old so I was immediately drawn first to that chapter. I loved reading what to expect of my five year-old and proudly checking off that, “yup - she does that too.” The chapters are well organized and are consistent. Beginning with expectations to how the child is growing mentally and physically and finally to how the dad is evolving to the new role.

Mr Brott liberally peppers his paragraphs with relevant recent research citing the scientific paper and author. This lends tremendous credibility, but also takes a lot of space that could have been used to convey more insights; that said, although it’s possibly the only critique, I understand this referencing is necessary. One researcher revealed that I had been doing something wrong. When Tacy complains that I have to go to work, I explain that if I did not go, I couldn’t pay the mortgage and we would live in a box under a bridge. According to researchers however, I should not make my daughter feel guilty, and the example given on page 49 is almost verbatim what I keep telling Tacy about mortgages and the (ahem) joys of cardboard box life.

I also was fascinated to learn about the research done over time relating to the interaction between three-to-five year-olds and their fathers as related to their empathy as older children. There is a direct correlation, it was found, between the amount of attention given to this sprouting toddler and how well they adjusted to groups as nine year-olds, along with their overall level of compassion and kindness.

And it’s up to date! Those instant message acronyms that older kids use on their cell phones are translated by Mr. Brott on page 175. I knew a few of them already, but this kind of information is very useful to monitor development and potential problems.

In sum, I found the book useful, interesting, and relevant. It’s already helped make me a better dad.”

For my part, I don’t think that his explanation to Tacy regarding the necessity of work induces guilt. Considering how many adults don’t seem to understand the importance of money management and financial consequences, I think it’s probably a good idea to start teaching these concepts early. However, we should probably dispense with the worst case scenario of cardboard-box-as-domicile.

I’ve had no doubt all along that my husband will be an involved father throughout our children’s lives. But it’s still a great affirmation to witness the depth and continuity of his interest.

For more information about all of Armin Brott’s publications and other fathering resources, please visit his website. If you’d like to purchase a copy of “Fathering Your School-Age Child”, click here.