I haven’t destroyed so many of my brain cells that I can’t remember some of the stupid stunts I pulled along the rocky road to adulthood. I made some poor choices and was fortunate enough to escape dire consequences most of the time. I was lucky.

Why did I make many of those decisions? Circumstances, mainly. I found myself - or put myself - in a position where it seemed that my choice was no longer a choice but a foregone conclusion (and I’m not just talking about sex). Sometimes I said to hell with appearances, put my foot down, and said forget it. Those were the instances in which I felt the risk of the possible consequences far outweighed what might sound like a good idea (or, at least, not a bad idea) at the time.

Now I have two little girls, with a third on the way. And while my husband jokes about buying a shotgun to lean strategically against the wall each time they go out on a date, we’re both genuinely concerned as to how we can best equip them to look after their own interests - whether they’re out on dates or out with friends.

I was quite interested in checking out the new book, Girlology: Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups, and Holding Out, via The Parent Bloggers Network, because from what I can ascertain, the junior high and high school crowds have gotten even racier than they were twenty years ago. I can’t imagine that it’s going to be any easier for my girls once they hit the teenage years.

And while I know I’ll be frightened by the choices my girls will have to make, I also know it will be that much more frightening for them. That’s why I really liked what I read in Girlology, written by two female doctors (an OB-GYN and a pediatrician) who work with teen girls every day and have the medical degrees to back up the guidance they give.

Girlology addresses not only the nuts and bolts of sex, pregnancy, and STDs, but it goes into great detail regarding specific emotional and technological concerns.  The emotional points - such as the fact that teen boys’ brains simply haven’t developed to the point that they can feel the same level of intimacy that teen girls can - are as illuminating now as they were when I was reminding myself that my boyfriend was underdeveloped and immature (in addition to being a jerk).  But it’s the newer concerns - like the fact that most cell phones come with cameras, ready to capture you at your most embarrassing moment - that I might have never thought about.  When I was in high school, it was pretty awful to be called a slut, whether the name fit or not.  Now someone can snap your picture and have actual evidence of what you were doing Saturday night.

The main message that I took from Girlology: Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups, and Holding Out was how important it is for girls to think about these sorts of situations and how they might react - BEFORE they ever occur.  Then they will feel much more well-equipped when the situation does eventually present itself - and will hopefully make an informed decision that they’re comfortable with.

Denying to ourselves that our kids will ever find themselves in a tough spot seems awfully short-sighted to me.  Even the most sensible girls can be knocked for a loop by those crazy hormones and the pressure exerted by their peers.  Better to talk with them frankly and openly now - not only will it give them the tools they need to survive, but they’ll know that they can count on us as parents to be at their side when they need us.

My older daughter started kindergarten last month (year-round school here), and my husband insisted on attending the informational meeting that was held prior to her first day. I was more than happy to stay home and let him sit through what I expected (and I was right) would be one heck of a yawnfest.

But even more important than my glee at avoiding the first in what will probably be a never-ending string of school meetings was my pleasure in seeing his genuine interest in our daughter’s schooling.

I consider myself to be one of the lucky women whose husband really and truly enjoys his children, no matter whether he’s performing the routine tasks or taking them out for special treats. He even loved those baby days when all they did was cry and sleep and poop. But I know he much prefers the verbal interaction and sharing of interests that come as children enter what Armin Brott calls “the wonder years” - ages 3 to 9.

So I didn’t even have to ask him to read Brott’s newest book - “Fathering Your School-Age Child” - the subject of the latest Parent Bloggers Network review campaign. He saw it on the counter, picked it up, and brought it to the bathroom. Because let’s be honest, that’s where daddies do most of their reading.

He has read and enjoyed two of Brott’s other books about fatherhood - “The Expectant Father” and “The New Father” - and passed them along to his older brother who recently became a father himself. And when I asked him to provide some feedback on the book, he gladly obliged - because he loves me as well as our girls.

“The author, Armin Brott, wrote a comprehensive and well-researched handbook for any dad - first timers or even third-timers (like myself). As with most handbooks, one can read FYSAC flipping around forward and back to areas that interest you and or are relevant to current problems or concerns. I have a five year-old so I was immediately drawn first to that chapter. I loved reading what to expect of my five year-old and proudly checking off that, “yup - she does that too.” The chapters are well organized and are consistent. Beginning with expectations to how the child is growing mentally and physically and finally to how the dad is evolving to the new role.

Mr Brott liberally peppers his paragraphs with relevant recent research citing the scientific paper and author. This lends tremendous credibility, but also takes a lot of space that could have been used to convey more insights; that said, although it’s possibly the only critique, I understand this referencing is necessary. One researcher revealed that I had been doing something wrong. When Tacy complains that I have to go to work, I explain that if I did not go, I couldn’t pay the mortgage and we would live in a box under a bridge. According to researchers however, I should not make my daughter feel guilty, and the example given on page 49 is almost verbatim what I keep telling Tacy about mortgages and the (ahem) joys of cardboard box life.

I also was fascinated to learn about the research done over time relating to the interaction between three-to-five year-olds and their fathers as related to their empathy as older children. There is a direct correlation, it was found, between the amount of attention given to this sprouting toddler and how well they adjusted to groups as nine year-olds, along with their overall level of compassion and kindness.

And it’s up to date! Those instant message acronyms that older kids use on their cell phones are translated by Mr. Brott on page 175. I knew a few of them already, but this kind of information is very useful to monitor development and potential problems.

In sum, I found the book useful, interesting, and relevant. It’s already helped make me a better dad.”

For my part, I don’t think that his explanation to Tacy regarding the necessity of work induces guilt. Considering how many adults don’t seem to understand the importance of money management and financial consequences, I think it’s probably a good idea to start teaching these concepts early. However, we should probably dispense with the worst case scenario of cardboard-box-as-domicile.

I’ve had no doubt all along that my husband will be an involved father throughout our children’s lives. But it’s still a great affirmation to witness the depth and continuity of his interest.

For more information about all of Armin Brott’s publications and other fathering resources, please visit his website. If you’d like to purchase a copy of “Fathering Your School-Age Child”, click here.

I’ll admit it; I put my own name down on the list of Parent Bloggers to review Get a Hobby! because I needed this book.

I have this ridiculous habit of turning hobbies into jobs.  Yes, yes - do what you love, the money will follow - yadda yadda yadda.  But the point of a hobby is relaxation, as Dr. Figueroa points out in the foreword to Get a Hobby!  And considering how many late nights I pull working on my so-called “hobbies”, I think I need to get a new one.

So I flipped through the book.  Beer brewing?  Hmmm…I like to drink it.  Docenting?  Well, I do enjoy museums.  Furniture restoration?  Maybe I could finally furnish my living and dining rooms.  Origami?  That reminded me of my friend who made all those birds before her wedding.  Soap making?  I couldn’t get “Fight Club” out of my head.

I decided to start at the beginning with the quiz, which informed me that I am independent (absolutely), outdoorsy (eh…), and patient (hahahaha!).  Considering that I agreed most closely with the assessment that I’m independent, I then flipped through the book looking for hobbies that fit that adjective.

And my next hobby jumped right out at me: Quilting.

I’ve been saving my daughters’ clothes that they’ve outgrown and cutting them into large pieces so that I can make them into quilts for the girls.  The idea was that I’d use clothes from birth through age two, and then I’d get started on the quilts.  My younger daughter is closing in on two and a half now, so it’s time to get busy on the quilts.  But I didn’t know where to begin.

Thanks to Get a Hobby!, now I do.

Does anyone else remember Le Mutt?  That darling stuffed doggie with the floppy ears and plush fur?  I had one and adored him.  Want to see a (really fuzzy) picture?

Given my long-standing love for Le Mutt, how could I turn down the opportunity to check out a book which features him on the cover?

Dirty Wow Wow, by Cheryl and Jeffrey Katz, is a collection of children’s lovies - pictures of the cherished objects and the stories behind the love that children have for them.

But this isn’t a very-special-episode-of-Blossom kind of book.  Brought to you by Ten Speed Press, an independent publisher with children’s titles that include “First Book of Sushi” (featured by Cool Mom Picks!) and “G is for Googol“, plus adult titles like “You Say I’m a Bitch Like It’s a Bad Thing”, Dirty Wow Wow tempers sentimentality with liberal doses of cleverness and cheek.

For example, we have Katie Kittenheart, a stuffed cat who used to be covered in thick white rabbit fur:

“Though Alex didn’t have a cat of her own, she possessed a modicum of understanding about feline grooming techniques, and she took to tidying up Miss Kittenheart with her own little human tongue baths.  Small wonder that twenty-seven years later, Katie Kittenheart still looks alarmed.”

And then there’s Onnette, a stuffed elephant who wasn’t so sure he liked being the favorite playmate:

“However, the most humiliating game that Onnette had to play was ‘The Princess and the Pea.’  Too small to be the princess, he was cajoled into playing the pea and forced to spend hours at a time squished beneath Betsy’s mattress.”

Some of these lovies still live with their original owners - like Green Ears, who resides in a study bookshelf - and some have stayed at their childhood home - like Blankie, who was tucked into the corner of the liquor cabinet decades ago.

Some have been lost and replaced by facsimiles - like Dup Dup, who was tossed into the trash bin by her aspiring basketball star owner - and some have been reunited under the strangest of circumstances - like Dog, who disappeared during a family move and turned up at an antiques fair.

The details of these stories are what make them charming.  And Ten Speed is featuring a contest where YOU can write about the details of your own Dirty Wow Wow (or your child’s, in the case of someone like me who never had a lovie and must therefore have no soul).  They’ll post your entry online, and each week (between now and the end of the month) a winner will be selected.

Each week’s prize includes your own one-of-a-kind handmade stuffed animal, a “Show Me Your Dirty Wow Wow” t-shirt (I know my mind’s in the gutter, but I think that’s the prize I can’t live without), and a copy of the book.

Even if you don’t enter yourself, check the Dirty Wow Wow contest page - I’ll be submitting an entry myself about how my girls’ Lambies have answered the philosophical question concerning the existence of evil.

Well, answered it to the satisfaction of a five year-old anyway.  And isn’t that what lovies are all about?

While I’m not currently pregnant, nor planning to become pregnant again, I recently read a book about pregnancy that struck me as revolutionary - revolutionary because it focuses not solely on the physical health of the baby, but on the physical and emotional health of the mother as well.  I read my share of pregnancy tomes, and rarely if ever did I see the mother’s health taken into consideration, except as it directly impacted the health of the developing baby.  And the mother’s emotional health - her feelings about pregnancy and impending motherhood - simply was not discussed.  Furthermore, medical guidance is usually presented as paramount, without teaching mothers-to-be to listen to their own bodies as well.

Body, Soul, and Baby, written by Dr. Tracy W. Gaudet, is an all-encompassing resource for anyone on the “fertility pathway”, as Dr. Gaudet terms the timeframe between pre-conception and post-partum.  The author is the director of the Duke Center for Integrative Medicine, as well as a practicing board-certified OB-GYN, and her view of pregnancy is that since it is typically not a disease-state, it merits a different approach than other medical conditions.

I reflected back on both of my pregnancies while reading Body, Soul, and Baby, and it reaffirmed many of the choices I made.  I was fortunate to have excellent medical care at the Weill Cornell Medical Center on the upper east side of Manhattan, and both of my OB-GYNs (Caitlin Fiss and Robin Kalish) were kind and compassionate young women whom I missed greatly after I delivered and no longer saw them regularly.  I always felt that I could speak openly with them - despite their busy schedules - and that they treated me with respect.

During my first pregnancy, a host of external distractions (like terrorist attacks and threatened and actual firings) kept me from focusing as closely as I should have on my emotional health.  I also didn’t have family nearby or an adequate support network.  And while Kyle was wonderful, he had his own worries too.  Tacy was born via c-section at 41 weeks 5 days, after 30 hours of pitocin-induced labor - during which I progressed to a whopping 3cm.

While my physical recovery, even with a c-section, was a breeze - I walked home from the hospital and strolled Tacy to Central Park two days later - my emotional health was in trouble.  After all the external stressors during my pregnancy, as well as a move from the city to New Jersey at 6 weeks post-partum, I needed help.  Anti-depressants worked wonders, as did the passage of time (and a baby who learned to suck her thumb and sleep through the night).

I took the lessons of my first pregnancy to heart, especially those that pertained to my emotional health.  While I stopped the anti-depressants prior to conception (but resumed them after the 20-week ultrasound), I began seeing a psychiatry resident through the Payne Whitney Women’s Program at Weill Cornell.  Dr. Fiss - who saw me once during my second pregnancy (before she was put on bed rest due to her own pregnancy complications) - recommended the clinic (founded by her friend, Dr. Catherine Birndorf).  It was an invaluable resource for me, along with my online support network of working moms - and Kyle too, of course.

In light of my labor and delivery woes the first time around, and my easy-breezy physical recovery, Dr. Kalish and I agreed on a scheduled c-section for my second delivery.  While I never lost sight of the fact that I was undergoing surgery, I have to say that my second delivery was infinitely more pleasant than the first.  I was rested and relaxed, smiling and eagerly anticipating my new baby.  And I was fortunate to have another ideal recovery - both physically and emotionally.

While I’m not familiar with most types of alternative medicine - either in theory or in practice - I might have been willing to try some different options (such as hypnosis) if my pregnancies had been more difficult.  As it was, self-induced mind-over-matter strategies worked very well for me.  I was cognizant of what my body (and, the second time, my mind as well) was feeling and what it needed.  And with the help of my doctors, I felt able to make conscious decisions each step of the way.

To me, that’s the crux of Dr. Gaudet’s book.  Not that there’s a right way or a wrong way to manage a pregnancy, but that each woman’s situation differs so greatly - even from her previous pregnancies - that all points must be considered when making decisions.  Also, a woman should not leave all decisions entirely up to her doctor, or submit to guidance without asking questions and feeling comfortable with the prescribed course of action.  Not only does she do herself a disservice, but her doctor as well - she’s unintentionally withholding information about her own feelings that might be crucial to the doctor’s assessment of her condition.  Personally, in retrospect, I feel as if I should have given Dr. Fiss more information about my mental state and my emotional health - information that would have helped her better determine my risk for post-partum depression.

I would highly recommend this book to any woman of child-bearing age, and I would also suggest it to grandmothers-to-be as a gift to their daughters or daughters-in-law.  Even after the fact, I found it infinitely more helpful and reassuring than any other book I read while pregnant.  Furthermore, I would suggest it to other practicing OB-GYNs as a resource for advising their patients of the multitudes of non-invasive options for managing pregnancy and making it as wonderful an experience as possible.

To buy your own copy of Body, Soul, and Baby - click here.

My little girl loves New York.

She was born there, and we lived in the city for six weeks until we closed on our apartment in New Jersey.  But even when we left the city, we could still see it every day:

And every night:

She knew which building was the Empire State Building.  She knew which building housed my office.  She knew about the Lincoln Tunnel, Central Park, and the Children’s Museum of Manhattan.  She rode the bus, the subway, and the NY Waterway ferry.  In the city, she was in her element.  When we took her apple-picking in Rockland County, she stamped her foot and announced that she did NOT want to pick apples; she wanted to ride the CAROUSEL.

We moved to Colorado just after she turned three, and although we’ve been here for nearly two years, she still asks me at least once a week: “When can we go back to New York?”

So when “Where Was I? New York!” arrived in our mailbox - addressed and inscribed to her by the author, Dave Carberry - she insisted that we sit right down on the driveway and read it immediately.

The book explores the highlights of a trip to New York.  Written in first-person, the simple descriptions of the sights and activities are a great way to remind kids of what they’ve done and seen - or even to get them excited about an upcoming trip.  The illustrations are bright and cheerful, detailed without being distracting.  From the Statue of Liberty to the subway underneath Grand Central Station, horse-drawn carriage rides in Central Park, Broadway shows and gigantic toy stores - “Where Was I? New York!” covers a lot of ground in only about fifteen pages.

Dave Carberry has more “Where Was I?” books in the works, including Baltimore, Chicago, Philadelphia, and Washington DC.  “Where Was I? New York!” is currently available at Lulu.com, and you can get more information about his series of books at the official “Where Was I?” website.

As I keep telling Tacy, we’ll make it back to New York someday.  In the meantime, we can remember how much fun we once had there.