Don’t tell my kids, but on my dresser there’s a small bowl which holds all of the barrettes, clips, pony tail holders, and other hair accessories that I find around the house.  I started collecting them a few days ago, and while they still have plenty of goodies left in their bathroom, slowly but surely the quantity is dwindling.  I will be thoroughly amused on the day that they can’t find a single hair accessory anywhere in the house - and believe me, that day is coming.

This is why I don’t spend big bucks on barrettes.  I’m a confessed Gymboree addict, but you’ll never catch me purchasing the matching hair accessories.  Just like the matching socks, they usually disappear after one wearing.  Pointless, at least in this house.

So as you can imagine, special hair accessories must be kept under tight security around here.  That’s why the gorgeous clips we received from Maiden America live here, in my kitchen, on top of the stack of “Mommy stuff” that no one except me - not even Kyle - is allowed to touch.

The girls are allowed to wear these beauties on special occasions, under strict orders that they are NOT to remove them.  While in their younger days my girls had barely enough hair to hold a clip, they now have plenty of hair and much greater manual dexterity - along with apparent aspirations to become hair stylists.  Instead of styling their dolls, they style themselves.  Methinks it might be time for a couple of pixie cuts…

Except I won’t do that because I honestly love how cute they look with these gorgeous clips in their ‘dos.

Maiden America is known for their non-slip hair clips - and I will tell you that these suckers really don’t budge.  Kyle wore one for a whole evening before he realized it - and he’s got short, fine hair.  So perhaps a pixie cut isn’t out of the question after all, since even a military-style man’s cut can hold these clips.

My only suggestion to Maiden America is that they might introduce a line of clips with simpler styles and fewer embellishments.  My girls actually have a plethora of fancy dresses (thanks to my mother, who has great taste to go along with her Neiman’s charge) and wear them fairly often, but I’m pretty sure they’re in the minority.

Oh, and if you check out the Maiden America site and you’re dismayed by the prices (which start around $6-7), think about the money you’ve spent on clips that have slipped out, fallen out, been yanked out, and are now lost forever.  Really, if you’d just bought a few of these beauties to start with instead, you’d have come out ahead.

Check out Parent Bloggers Network for more reviews of Maiden America non-slip hair clips!

My maid-of-honor was a protocol officer in the Air Force. That means that she was required to know exactly what should be done when and for whom, along with what music should be playing and which flags should be displayed. While I did think it was kind of cool that she routinely rubbed elbows with the President, the Vice President, and about a zillion foreign dignitaries (one of whom smuggled in some sort of Uzbekistani melon in the diplomatic pouch, which she then had to slice up and serve - what a waste of her Physics degree), the details of protocol bored me to tears.

On the other hand, I love knowing more about what to do and say to put people at ease and make them like me. I hear that’s called “charm”; I’m still working on acquiring it.

At its core, Were You Raised by Wolves? is about being charming. It’s about doing what will make other people want to be around you - not by telling jokes (even good ones) or buying them beer (although it won’t hurt) or by laughing at their jokes (even if they stink).

Wait a minute, you say. How can making my bed make people want to be around me? Who gives a damn if I can boil an egg? Is it really that important to know how to cook a turkey?

Sadly, all of these things - and many more covered by author Christie Mellor - are all about appearances, and like it or not, appearances matter. If people are so put off by what they see on the surface - including your unmade bed - they are not going to bother to find out what a wonderful person you are on the inside. Sorry, but it’s true. Nobody has time to mess with someone who seems like an unkempt jerk because probably, even deep down, they really ARE an unkempt jerk.

That said, therein lies the problem with this gem of a book. All the unkempt jerks who should be reading it won’t read it because they are convinced that they’re perfect. Or, even if they realize they aren’t perfect, they’re perfectly happy to remain ignorant of the life lessons that have been condensed into one extremely useful yet screamingly funny book.

Seriously, I can think of at least a dozen people off the top of my head - people I LIKE - who could benefit from this book, but who would get their panties (or boxers, as it were) in a knot at the mere suggestion that they could learn a thing or two.

In any case, I’m glad to report that I learned a thing or two (hundred). Sure, I skimmed the cooking parts (you knew I would) and I still keep my coffee beans in the freezer, but there were plenty of other areas that I read and re-read and took to heart. I wish more people would do the same.

And my mother - who would probably love to have a Manhattan or two with Christie Mellor - was the one who told me about the effect of bed-making years ago. They’re both right. Don’t believe us? Try it yourself.

For more reviews of Were You Raised by Wolves?, check out Parent Bloggers Network!

My one-sentence review of The Rookie Mom’s Handbook: This book ought to be standard issue upon discharge from the hospital for every mother.

I’m not just saying that because I think Heather and Whitney, authors of the handbook and the original Rookie Moms themselves, are insightful writers with sharp wits and loads of enthusiasm. This book caused me to reflect on my past rookie years and realize not just how far I’ve come, but how much I can still learn from other creative parents.

First of all, I want to define the term “rookie mom” as I see it. To me, each time you bring a new kid home, you’re starting a rookie year. Kids aren’t all alike (duh) - just because you’ve already got one at home doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to be a bit flummoxed now and then by the next one. Or the one after that. With each new child come new challenges - including how to fill those long, looooong days. You can’t just toss them all outside or down to the basement and expect them to entertain each other (like our parents did with us, right?).

So The Rookie Mom’s Handbook is for every mom. I’m in my third rookie year, and I got a bunch of great ideas from this handy book. Here’s one for every month:

• #8 - Write a “did-do” list. Genius! I still sit down at night after all the kids are in bed and wonder what the hell I did all day. A “did-do” list puts in writing all of those menial tasks. It’s a good list to show your partner, who might also be wondering what the hell you did all day.
• #44 - Photograph a nasty crying jag. Sounds mean, but it’s hilarious after the fact. Also makes for a great blog meme.
• #59 - Take a walk on the wild side. Exactly what it sounds like - take some funny pictures of your baby in front of construction sites or tattoo parlors. This one appeals to my warped sense of humor.
• #71 - Accessorize! You, not the baby. You aren’t spending money on new outfits for yourself, but jewelry and scarves and boots are always a good fit.
• #104 - Kick off some family traditions. For example, we go to the zoo each year on Easter - a tradition that we started when Tacy was a year old.
• #116 - Heighten the contrast of your photos. I’m kicking myself for not having taken black and white photos with Tacy and CJ, but you can bet I’m going to do it with Oliver (following Heather and Whitney’s guidance, of course).
• #131 - Let baby dress herself. Put some choices within reach (shirt, pants, socks) and let the baby decide by grabbing. It’ll inoculate you to some of the crazy combos your pre-schooler will dream up down the road.
• #160 - Get your baby a job as a scientist. Tons of research studies out there involving infants; CJ and I did a few. Plus, you can use the $20 to stop at Sonic for a milkshake afterward.
• #170 - Email your baby. Create a free email account for the babe and send “here’s what you did today” notes. Instant archive, and much easier than scribbling in a baby book.
• #193 - Pack a sack of surprises. Throw a bunch of goodies (wooden spoons, blocks, rattles, whatever) in a bag and then let the baby unpack it. The baby has fun discovering what’s inside, and you have fun watching his/her reactions.
• #220 - Go on an anti-shopping trip. Window shopping for babies - except that you go inside, play with all the toys, then leave without buying anything. I still do this regularly at Pottery Barn Kids. No, it’s not rude. You’re teaching the baby self-restraint.
• #242 - Get more out of Goodnight Moon. Don’t just read the words; look at the pictures and notice the details. Hint: Watch the clock(s).

Given that small sampling of activities, it’s easy to see that this book is packed with creativity. Sure, there are some basic suggestions mixed in (e.g., library, playdate, picnic), but sometimes the most nervous of rookie moms need to start slow.

So even if I’m not able to convince all of the hospitals across the country to include this book with the formula samples they hand out, I can definitely encourage all of my mom friends to buy it for themselves and for the new parents they know. Yes, it’s that good.

For more reviews of The Rookie Mom’s Handbook, check out Parent Bloggers Network - and participate in this Friday’s Blog Blast too!

When I finished reading Beauty Confidential six months ago, I tucked it into my bag and went shopping at Sephora with Nadine Haobsh’s recommendations in mind. I posted here about the products I’d been using myself and how well I liked them. Now it’s time to revisit my routine - see what’s changed over the past six months and what’s remained the same.

First of all, what am I still using?

Cleanser - Cetaphil Face Wash

Foundation - Bare Escentuals i.d. Bare Minerals

Eyeshadow - NARS eyeshadow in Nepal

Blush - NARS blush in Orgasm

All of these products have stood the test of time. It takes hardly any time at all to apply the foundation, eyeshadow and blush, and it makes an amazing difference in how I look (especially in these postpartum weeks when I would normally expect to look like death warmed over). And they’ve all lasted; I’m just now replacing my initial liter bottle of Cetaphil and my first tiny container of Bare Minerals, and I haven’t even made a dent in the eyeshadow or blush.

What products have I abandoned?

Mascara - Lancome Definicils

Lips - Fusion Beauty LipFusion lip plumper

I know that Lancome Definicils is the gold standard where it comes to mascara, but it was just too much for me. Too thick, too clumpy, too much effort required to make my lashes look natural.

So I switched to another Beauty Confidential recommendation: Kiss Me mascara. It’s a purely lengthening mascara (check the cheat sheet on the mascara display at Sephora to choose a mascara that does what you want it to), and it’s waterproof and smudge proof. Really, it is. The only downside is that it requires gentle persistence to remove it; it doesn’t wipe away as easily as other mascaras.

The lip plumper worked (or at least I think it did), but frankly I got lazy. Lip plumping just isn’t a priority for me, I suppose.

What products have I added?

Shampoo - Aveda Shampure

Conditioner - Terax Original Crema

Perfume - Chanel Coco Mademoiselle

I do like the Aveda Shampure (a Beauty Confidential recommendation), but I have to admit that I’m really smitten with the Aveda Rosemary and Mint shampoo. It smells delicious, and it’s got a slightly cool and tingly sensation - great for warmer weather.

I definitely give Terax Original Crema two thumbs way up. It’s $48 for a liter bottle, but it’s worth it. Plus, you don’t need much for a good application. When my hair was longer, I used two pumps; now I only use one. The liter bottle lasted for the past six months.

Coco Mademoiselle is just yummy. I love perfume, but I always forget to put it on. Now I’m making a conscious effort to do so, and it’s become part of my routine.

Finally, what products do I include in my routine that aren’t Beauty Confidential recommendations, but I love them all the same?

Day Moisturizer - Philosophy When Hope Is Not Enough spf 20 and Turbo Booster C Powder

Night Moisturizer - Philosophy Hope In A Jar

Day Eye Cream - Philosophy Dark Shadows

Night Eye Cream - Philosophy Hope In A Tube

Face Primer - Philosophy The Present

What can I say? I love Philosophy’s skin care line. It works for me.

My day moisturizer, When Hope Is Not Enough, isn’t at all greasy, and it really provides great sunscreen coverage - which is important every day all year long, especially at altitude. My night moisturizer, Hope In A Jar, is light and fluffy and absorbs quickly. Personally, I can’t stand heavy creams on my face, even at night, so this one is perfect for me.

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I hadn’t been using eye cream consistently until last fall. Even so, after only six months, I can see a difference. I don’t look ten years younger, but the wrinkles around my eyes are greatly diminished.

Finally, I love The Present for those days when I don’t want to put on makeup - I’m going to the gym or out hiking or biking, and it would look kind of silly to get all gussied up just to sweat it off. The Present provides an additional layer of sunscreen, and it evens out my skin tone and eliminates shine.

While finding the right products has been helpful, the greatest result of having read Beauty Confidential is that I’ve established a routine, and I stick to it. Consistency is the key - to great hair, great skin, and feeling good about how I look.

Oh, and one last recommendation? Don’t bother with the brick and mortar Sephora. Order online instead; you’ll get more free samples, and you won’t have to contend with the snooty salespeople who sigh heavily as they deign to ring you up.

With my first two children - both little girls - I thought I was pretty picky about what they wore.  No licensed character-themed clothing (with the exception of undies - I’ll allow Disney Princesses as long as they’re not visible), and nothing with even a hint of sexuality.

Then I had a boy.  And I figured, “Hey, this will be easy!  I don’t have to worry about premature sexualization; nobody markets padded bras to boys.  And Disney hasn’t yet put out a line of Prince merchandise.  We’re home-free where it comes to dressing this little guy!”

Oh, how wrong I was.

Turns out, I’m even pickier about boy clothes than I am about girl clothes.  Not only am I anti-licensed character-themed clothing - no Power Rangers, no Star Wars, no Lightning McQueen - I’m also averse to sports-themed clothing, construction-themed clothing, and anything that emblazoned “Mama’s Little Man” (or worse, “Grandma Loves Me”).  Barf-o-rama.  Why can’t boys - even baby boys - look COOL?

Thanks to Kenneth Cole, they can.  This snazzy little outfit from Kenneth Cole fits the bill perfectly.  It’s trendy, but it’s not age-inappropriate.  It shows our style, but it’s not a billboard.

Want specifics as to why this outfit rocks?  First of all, the top has a collar (which I looove on little guys), but it’s a onesie.  That means it stays tucked in, all neat and tidy.  For me, until my kids can stand up on their own, I prefer onesies.  Regular tees just ride up, and I’m forever tugging them back down.

Next, I love the stitching detail on the pants.  They’re brown, but the stitching is white - drawing attention to the seams, making them both functional and decorative.  And the stitching is well done (another big plus with me).

Finally, I really dig the little sunhat.  I may not be adept at accessorizing myself, but I love accessories for kids.  They pull the outfit together and make it complete.

I’m so glad to have discovered this fantastic line of kids’ clothes.  I know Kenneth Cole makes quality, good-looking items for adults, and now I can look to them for kids’ clothes that meet my exacting standards.  I’m going to have the best-dressed little dude on the playground.

I really ought to feel guilty for spoiling my girls with all the pairs of shoes they own, but I just can’t do it. Not when more than half of those pairs of shoes come from Vincent.

Tacy’s favorite pair of Vincent footwear would have to be her Blomma rain boots. The child wears those boots, rain or shine, seven days a week - but you’d never know it to look at the boots. They have held up beautifully under extreme wear and tear.

But after receiving a pair of Lilly Mary Janes, she has started slipping these beauties into the rotation. A lavender (or blue, if you choose) suede upper covered in sequins, these shoes are absolutely fabulous. I can’t blame her for wanting to wear them, even if they’ve already gotten scuffed on the playground at recess. Like her Blomma boots, these Lilly Mary Janes are holding up well and will certainly take her all the way through the spring and summer (and into fall too, if her feet don’t grow too fast!).

Meanwhile, CJ is a fan of a style that has since been discontinued, but it’s a basic bootie that zips up over the top of her foot. They’re so flexible that it’s almost like being barefoot (which is her preferred state). But like Tacy, she’s enamored of her new Vincent sandals in the Lisa style. While it’s still a bit chilly to wear them outside, she’s been breaking them in around the house, and she loves the little butterfly perched on the upper. I love how soft they are, and I’m confident that she’ll wear them all summer long.

While I love the unique designs at Vincent, I’m just as sold on the quality of the shoes we’ve bought there. It’s the designs that entice my kids to wear these shoes, and it’s the quality that keeps them from being worn out before the kids grow out of them.

Thanks to our Vincent review campaign at PBN, I’ve got a coupon code to share!  For 20% off all regular-priced items at Vincent, enter code SPRING-DEAL-8 at checkout (valid through April 30, 2008).  As always, shipping at Vincent is free with purchases over $75.

…but neither one of us wants to watch Barney.

Being the younger sister, CJ has had the benefit (or not, depending how you view it) of watching the same programs as her older sister Tacy. When in doubt, we screen the show geared toward the older child. That means a modest amount of Dora, very little Sesame Street, and absolutely no Barney.

Even when Tacy was younger, she didn’t watch Barney - mainly because Kyle and I couldn’t stand it. I actually don’t mind Barney himself that much; it’s BJ and Baby Bop that make me want to stick icepicks in my ears.

But we figured it was only fair to give CJ a shot at enjoying Barney, especially in the form of a DVD that contains two of her favorite things - letters (which she’s beginning to identify consistently) and animals (which she has always loved). Barney and Friends: Animal ABC’s was certainly our best bet at enticing CJ to watch that beloved big purple dinosaur.

And we tried. We screened it multiple times. We kept watching even when she had wandered away. We pointed out the animals and grooved along to the songs.

But it was all to no avail. SpongeBob Squarepants has taken away CJ’s innocence. Singing children and dancing dinosaurs hold no interest for her compared to a simpering yellow sponge and a smartypants squid.

If CJ had been the first child, and we’d shown her this DVD before ruining her with SpongeBob, I’m sure she would have loved it. As it is, my jaded three year-old has already moved on.

So long, Barney. We hardly knew ye.

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Want to win our Barney and Friends: Animal ABCs DVD? Send me an email at mothergoosemouse@gmail.com - lucky winner to be drawn at random!

And be sure to check out the other reviews of this DVD over at Parent Bloggers Network.

Long before we had children, Kyle and I knew that we wanted to give them every opportunity to succeed in whatever areas they chose. We weren’t set on particular schools or activities or athletics; instead, our goal was simply to support them in whatever manner best suited each child. But we didn’t consider how we would accomplish that goal, other than by observing and listening to our children, and then offering them opportunities in accordance with their interests and talents.

Turns out, it’s a little more involved than that. The exhaustion of everyday life gets in the way of those observations, and it becomes difficult to sort out the salient points from all the endless chatter. While we’re doing our best to be mindful of our kids’ feedback, we could use a little help making sense of it.

Jenifer Fox’s book “Your Child’s Strengths” is going to provide that help - now and for years to come. Fox helps parents (and teachers too) identify children’s strengths by observing their actions and behaviors, and then use those strengths (and help children learn to use them too) to improve their learning and their relationships.

I have to admit that I flipped directly to the final section of the book - the strengths workbook. Even though my children are still quite young, I’m ready to start educating myself. I want to know how I can turn my everyday observations into opportunities to help my children (and in turn, help myself). Fortunately, although the workbook is geared toward somewhat older children, Fox has included boxes titled “For Young Children” that give suggestions as to how to modify the exercises accordingly.

The workbook starts with Activity Strengths. An activity strength is “something that makes a person feel good while he or she is doing it.” My kids are big bundles of activity, and they often play together despite their age difference, but I do notice which activities they prefer. Tacy loves to create and experiment, putting together old things in new ways. Disorder doesn’t bother her in the least. Meanwhile, CJ prefers routine and order, being able to predict what will happen. Although Tacy is more likely to agree to clean up, CJ actually seems to enjoy doing it - on her terms.

One exercise in the Activity Strengths section that I will try with the girls involves giving them a choice of three chores to complete, then noting which one is chosen and how easily it’s accomplished. I’m already a fan of choices - although lately I’ve been too exhausted to offer choices and have been giving orders instead - and I expect this exercise to be both interesting and telling. I also hope it will help me assign chores that will be done more cheerfully and with less nagging, which I know the whole family will appreciate.

The next section (to be completed AFTER the Activity Strengths section) is Relationship Strengths - “innate strengths to contribute to our relationships to make them more effective and rewarding.” This area is of great interest to me, as I know from experience that a large part of a child’s enjoyment of school is the social aspect of it. That is, even if they excel at schoolwork, recess can be hell. This section looks like it will be helpful in identifying why we pursue relationships, why we keep some and relinquish others, and what characteristics attract us to other people (and vice versa).The exercise in the Relationship Strengths section that caught my eye was one in which the child chooses a famous person - real or fictional - and brainstorms reasons why she “likes” that person. I think that’s a fantastic way for a child to begin understanding what characteristics attract them to a potential friend, as well as for them to consider which characteristics they’d like to emulate themselves.

The final section (to be completed after the first two - sequence is essential) is Learning Strengths, which are “the ways in which we prefer to learn and the mode in which we learn best.” This section was actually the easiest for me in which to see my kids. I immediately focused on the three modes of learning - kinesthetic, visual, and auditory. Kinesthetic learners learn best through movement and manipulation, visual learners learn by watching, and auditory learners learn by listening.

Tacy is definitely a visual learner, but she has kinesthetic leanings. That is, she is extremely observant regarding the world around her and remembers details of what she sees (such as what I was wearing on a particular day when we were engaged in a particular activity). But she’s also extremely interested in how things work - she’s not content to merely observe.

Conversely, CJ is definitely a kinesthetic learner, but I believe she has auditory leanings. She is very active - loves building and doing puzzles and touching absolutely everything. While I have to tell her “no touch!” more often than I’d like, I realize that’s how she prefers to explore. But I’ve been surprised by how closely she pays attention to what we say, given her speech delays. She understands quite well, and she’s beginning to verbalize the connections that she’s made.

Considering how different my girls are (and how different I’m sure their younger brother will be too), I’m especially glad to have “Your Child’s Strengths” as a resource to help me identify and address their individual strengths. Even though they’re still young, I’m excited to begin exploring the exercises in the workbook.

I would recommend this book to any parent of a child still living at home. It’s never too early to begin doing your homework, and it’s never too late to begin helping your child learn how to help himself by using his own unique strengths.

To get your own copy of “Your Child’s Strengths”, click here. To learn more about Jenifer Fox, check out her website.

While I prefer to decorate my living spaces with more neutral colors, I do understand that bright colors and babies go together like peanut butter and jelly. And just like peanut butter and jelly, bright colors can be revolting if done poorly (like those PB&J sandwiches in the elementary school cafeteria), but they can be fabulous if done well.

Kushies knows how to do bright colors better than anyone. Their Zolo Toys have funky, offbeat designs with plenty of bright colors that are truly easy on the eyes. The Linko Clip Together Teether and Toys resembles other linking toys, but it includes lots of different textures and color combinations to keep little ones (and their aching gums) occupied.

The Mobilo Crib Carousel Mobile provides plenty of entertainment value too - the hanging stuffed animals are detachable (by parents, not by baby), the underside of the carousel canopy is mirrored, and it’s got the same fantastic variety of color combinations.

My favorite Zolo Toy has to be the Stacrobats Magnetic Stacking Acrobats. These five little guys stick together (and to the accompanying colorful balls) to form all sorts of poses on the magnetic base. I must have played with these Stacrobats for a good fifteen minutes all by myself. If they can occupy a thirty-something woman who really ought to be vacuuming, I’m certain that babies and toddlers will find them infinitely entertaining.

But it’s EQ - the Theory of Emotional Intelligence - that makes these toys really cool and unique. With the help of child development experts, Kushies created these toys to tap into kids’ self-expression and emotional self-confidence. The idea is that playing with toys that are geared toward EQ involves more and different brain cells than most other baby toys, which in turn “helps to create more open-minded and flexible thinkers.” Even after having three kids, I’m still no child development expert, so I’ll have to take Kushies’ word for it - at least until my youngest child grows up and I can evaluate whether his Zolo Toys helped him become a more open-minded and flexible thinker than his big sisters.

Kushies is about more than just toys. They’ve got a wide range of gear, including clothing, swimwear, and outerwear - including buntings, snowsuits, and the adorable Splish Splash Rain Jacket and Pant Set. Like the Kushies Zolo Toys, it’s the details of this set that make it so fantastic. The hood of the jacket has a visor (genius!), and both the jacket and pants have reflective strips to ensure that the wearer is visible, even in stormy weather. And the bright colors - including cornflower blue, petal pink, and sunny yellow - make the set all the more appealing.

Has Kushies converted me to the bright side? Well, that depends. If the brightness comes from them, I’m definitely on board. Just keep it confined to the adorable child and his nursery, that’s all I ask.

I’ve lived in Colorado for almost three years now, and I’m still struck by the wideness of the skies here. It’s fascinating to me that I can see all the way from the mountains in the west to the plains in the east. Even now, I keep expecting to find a skyline obstructing my view.

Back east, the skies were narrow strips of blue (or, more often, gray) directly overhead. At night, I couldn’t see the stars or the moon. Even from our apartment in New Jersey, with its panoramic view, I could see more skyscrapers than sky.

I loved the city, and I still hope to live there again someday, but I have to admit that often, it felt equally both inspiring and oppressive.

But after reading Felicia Sullivan’s memoir, The Sky Isn’t Visible From Here, I realized that my hard times in the city are a walk in Central Park compared to the difficulties she endured there - first as a child growing up in Brooklyn, and later as a young professional in Manhattan.

Her tales of working-class life in Brooklyn with a single mother who moved from job to job (and man to man) were disheartening at best, horrifying at worst. While I was shocked by the descriptions of the drug use and sex she witnessed even as a young child, I was saddened most by her increasing need to wall herself off from the people closest to her - friends, family, and her own mother - as they continually betrayed her. As I told Felicia, I wished we were back in sixth grade so that I could invite her over for dinner and a sleepover.

Likewise, her stories of professional and social life in Manhattan resonated with me as well. While copious quantities of alcohol were as far as I went, I still struggled to cope with the peaks and valleys inherent to living and working in New York - particularly in a technical field at the height of the dot-com boom (and subsequent bust). It was a time that seemed to push many people toward addictive and destructive behaviors. Some of us got off easy; and some, like Felicia, bottomed out before recovering.

The memoir is written not in strict chronological fashion. Rather, Felicia alternates between excerpts from her childhood and from her young adulthood. This juxtaposition of time periods adds both interest and suspense - at the end of each excerpt, I looked forward to the continuation of the excerpt that had come before - and kept the pace from bogging down (as I’ve found that it often does in chronologically-told histories).

While it’s heartening to me that Felicia has found a father in Gus - her mother’s former fiance, one of many people she has left behind - it’s heartbreaking to read about her relationship with her mother.  As a mother myself, I honestly can’t imagine treating a child so carelessly.  I can’t imagine being the child of such a mother - the conflicting emotions I know I would have were I in Felicia’s position.

Even so, it’s the final chapter, titled “Before Cocaine”, that makes me the saddest of all - a day spent with her mother at Coney Island in 1984.  The fun that they had together is overshadowed by Felicia’s desire to tell her mother that she loves her, but she resists, afraid that by doing so, she will spoil the closeness they’ve shared that day.  The idea that one of my children might ever be afraid to tell me that they love me is almost unfathomable.

I don’t know if Felicia’s relationship with her mother could ever be salvaged, or if the sadness of her childhood could ever be overcome, but I admire her for having the courage to write such an honest account of her pain.  I can only hope that by doing so, she has been able to make peace with her past.

To purchase your own copy of The Sky Isn’t Visible From Here, click here.